Take it out on me
by akanii
Summary: Yuri's career is over and it naturally makes him lose himself. Otabek, albeit training for the next championship can't help but fly to Russia in order to help Yuri overcome his depression. Finding out that he alone isn't enough to save Yuri from his demons makes him question himself and it threatens to drag him down as well.


A/N: This is my WIP for Camp NaNoWriMo April, so buckle up for a lot of words.  
To get me in the mood I wrote chapter 1 already. What do y'all think?

* * *

"Yura, you look awful today."

"Way to greet someone", Yuri hissed as he limped back to the couch.

Otabek sighed. "I'm sorry. I just- So today's a bad day, huh?"  
Yuri only groaned in response.

Lately, there'd been more bad days than good ones. The pain in his feet was probably killing him.

"So, you been up to anything?"  
Otabek really did try, but their friendship had changed so much. Yuri kept isolating himself and it seemed, the more Otabek tried to get to him the more Yuri would shut him out.

He was met with silence. There was a time Yuri would have answered him with a sarcastic comeback to such a stupid question but that was long ago.

"Why are you even here", he mumbled so that Otabek almost didn't understand him.

In all honesty, he really didn't have an answer. Maybe it was him clinging hard to something that was long gone.

When it took him too long to come up with a reasonable answer, Yuri let out a sharp breath. "Knew it."

"Oh, come on! That's not fair, Yura."

"You can't even tell me why the fuck you still put up with me and I'm being unfair? Don't think so."

No matter how much Otabek tried to fight it, but Yuri's words still hurt and his heart screamed at him to just leave, and leave for good this time, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. Fuck, the only reason he was in Russia anyway was Yuri. He'd started detaching himself from him and instead of letting it happen, Otabek had come to Russia in hopes he could help him somehow. Finding out that he couldn't do a damned thing really made him want to cut all ties and just fly back to Kazakhstan already. But he knew better than that.  
Or maybe it was just for old time's sake and he wasn't ready to let Yuri go just yet.

"Maybe I should just-"

"Stay."

Otabek raised an eyebrow at Yuri.

"Please. Just stay", the blonde pleaded, his voice shaky.

"Right."

It was the first time in weeks Yuri had really told him to stay by his side. Maybe there was still something connecting them, at least Otabek hoped so.

"I'm tired", he moaned.

Otabek suggested he go to sleep, but Yuri only shook his head. "Sleep doesn't help these days."

The Kazakh mumbled something like "Sorry."

"Don't be. It's not your fault after all."

That, Otabek knew. Because if only it was his fault he could make it all okay again. At that thought, his eyes desperately scanned the room for Potya. The stupid cat had to be here somewhere, because he needed something to look at that wasn't Yuri.

"It's just-" Yuri drew in a short breath. "The pain killers, they don't help, you know." What escaped him next sounded like a sob. "They just don't help when what hurts the most is your fucking heart, Beka. I just want the pain to stop already."

"I- I don't know what to say to you", the Kazakh admitted.

"That's why I tried-"

"I know."

He couldn't stand to talk about this. Everyone had their own demons to fight, even Otabek, but he'd never had to deal with such heavy topics. They both knew what this was about, yet not hearing it out loud gave it a little less weight. At least for Otabek.

Although he knew Yuri probably needed to talk about it, he couldn't stand to listen.

"I'm sorry."

"Yeah", the Russian mumbled, withdrawing back into the wallless prison he'd built for himself.

To Otabek, being around Yuri felt like walking on egg shells. One false move and everything went to shit again. They'd had their hardships before but usually they'd go to the rink then, or just go for a run if the rink wasn't an option. Everything sucked since Yuri had had to end his career.

The way the blonde stared at the TV made it seem like there was an interesting program on and not some shitty scripted reality, but all there was was people hysterically screaming at each other. It was distasteful.

Yuri didn't even protest when Otabek shut off the TV.

"We could go for a walk, you know", he tried.

"With my feet-"

"It's not like they'll get better from you sitting on your ass all day."

It was harsh but it was the truth. The pain he suffered was chronic anyway. There was no use in just sitting around and wait for life to end.

Yuri shot him a glare and hissed: "Don't act like you know!"

His temper was disheartening, but Otabek also knew that if he kept pressing, the blonde would eventually give in.

"I don't have to know. Let's get you into some proper clothes and go to a café. I could really use a good cappuccino right now."

Yuri groaned, but when Otabek got up, the Russian followed him to his wardrobe. A lot of Yuri's old clothes were missing. The Kazakh had to throw them away after Yuri had ripped them to shreds on a rampage.

"We should go shopping, there's nothing in here anymore."

"Can't afford it."

It didn't even sound like a bad excuse for not wanting to go.

While the Russian didn't make much money anymore except from merchandise sells and small appearances on the radio and on TV, Otabek's career was in full bloom.

"It's my treat."

"Hey, I'm not Julia Roberts, you know!"

The small grin on his face betrayed the joke behind his words.

Otabek gave him a smirk. "There ain't much of a difference between 'pretty boy' and 'pretty woman', Yura."

"Quit calling me that!"

He was actually genuinely laughing and it made Otabek remember why he always stayed; in nothing could he find such beauty as in Yuri's smile. The way the corners of his mouth were drawn upwards brought the joy back that the Kazakh missed so badly.

"Hey, Richard Gere, you're staring!"

"Huh?"

Yuri chuckled. "Gotcha!"

If only things could be like this all the time. Fuck, Otabek really missed this!  
The fact that there was no more tiger sweater to pick – god knows Yuri would have picked it – only served to painfully remind him those days were in the past. He didn't know how much he'd liked that stupid sweater on Yuri until he'd found it ripped up. He knew why Yuri thought it had to go, but he figured he was allowed a little sentiment from time to time as well.

Only when they left the apartment, Potya rushed to the door as if in disbelief that they were actually leaving.

"Don't worry, we'll be back in no time", Yuri promised and then turned to Otabek. "We should pick up cat food on the way back."

When Otabek met Yuri again before the Olympics, Potya had always stuck to him like glue around the apartment. It made him wonder if the cat kept his distance for the same reasons he was considering doing it. He'd read somewhere that animals were a lot more sensitive to emotions than humans. Living with Yuri 24/7 must have been hard these days, so he made a mental note to give the poor thing some love when they came back.

"He's been avoiding me lately", Yuri sighed. "I guess he can't handle my mood."

The hitch in his breathing was almost unnoticeable.

"I don't think it's anything personal. Maybe we should get him something special for dinner tonight."

It wasn't his best idea, but he really only tried to keep Yuri from dragging himself down.

"Yeah, we really should."

He still fell silent after that until they reached the city.

After falling in love with way too many sweaters and pants in the first shop, Yuri turned to Otabek sternly.  
"I can't have you pay for this."

"Let's just do it like we always did, you pay my stuff the next time."

"But we did that with groceries, not clothing."

Otabek looked him right in the eyes. "This is not up for discussion, pretty boy."

Although the name had Yuri pout, the Kazakh really managed to lighten the mood with his serene nature.

"We need to do this more often", he added, pulling on Yuri's shoulder lightly.

"Yeah", Yuri said with his gaze falling to the floor. "I've missed this."

'I've missed you.' It was on Otabek's tongue, but he'd never say it. Instead he opted for a casual "Me too" and dragged Yuri along with him to the cash desk.

A single good day wouldn't save Yuri from his misery, but maybe a single good day was enough to encourage Otabek to keep fighting for him.

The boy with the incredibly eyes of a soldier needed someone to remind him to pick up his fight again, and Otabek knew he'd be there.


End file.
